She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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