here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
