I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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