I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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