all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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