...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this just has baby written all over it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
