these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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