I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
