Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
