There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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