Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
