You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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