After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
