the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
