Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
