wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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