TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
