I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
