xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
