i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
