my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
