My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
