i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
