Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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