i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
