First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
