he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
