i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
