I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
