i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
