if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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