6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
