i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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