Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
