If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
