I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
