After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
