i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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