Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
