I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
