Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
