there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
