Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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