i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
