3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
