I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I skipped work to stalk him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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