It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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