This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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