when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
