That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
