i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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