I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
