it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
