Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
